Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
