You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
