You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
