he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
