Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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