i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
