in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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