Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
