dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
