he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
