seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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