guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
