I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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