Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
