Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
