I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
