so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
