How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
