doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
