I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
