She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
