You're a womanizer and a bitch.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
