i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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