Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
