I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
