Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
