i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
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tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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