I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down