Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just pynch a tree in the face
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex