Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live