I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They took my balls.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.