Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
