No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The struggles of a small town man whore
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
