I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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