like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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