i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
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