Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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