I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
