He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
