I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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