I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
