dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
