Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
