it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
