i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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