Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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