you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this will be a night to untag.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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