some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
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