Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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