there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
