I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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