So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
