whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
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