so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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