Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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