I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
