It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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