Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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