my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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