I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
