We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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