Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
