I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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