She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
