It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
