i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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