apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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