Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
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The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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