two words...techno handjob
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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