Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
