I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
