No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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