He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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