I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
